If i come over, it means nothing
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
