Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
