I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
