You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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