Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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