you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
