i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my shit smells like andre
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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