Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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