Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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