we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
