So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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