I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
