i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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