ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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