I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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