I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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