how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
