It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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