Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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