apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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