ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
