ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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