Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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