And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
