I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
