I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
