i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
