**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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