I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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