i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
