Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Randomize
