is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
