You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
