piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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