Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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