Yo dont text me then not text me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
