It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You pole danced in your parka.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
