And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
