I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
