covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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