ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
