she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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