I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
