she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
