i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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