I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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