Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Randomize
