obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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