nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
