WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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