11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
