its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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