i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
