Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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