Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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