she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
