the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
