I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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