I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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