Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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