Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
