By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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