I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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