listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think I am morally bankrupt
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
