Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
