remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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