apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They took my balls.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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