omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
