So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
