Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
