yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
