Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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