I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i now understand why vodka
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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