meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
