I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
