i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
