i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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