Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
