you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
