I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
