Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
