You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
